Not-so Sweet Charity

Today was an odd people day for me. I think about people a lot. I think about how we’re the same but pretend or don’t realize that this is so. Anyhow, I got a ride to work from a co-worker who I don’t talk to incredibly often but am cool with, for the most part. My main issue I have involving him is that he’s one of those people who is so gentle and sensitive at heart but who hide their hearts with snide comments and rude behavior. It’s weird for me too, because this is always so obvious to me and I find myself fighting the urge to reward their behavior, therefore, validating this facade. So, as we’re riding, some of these snide comments are made. There were a few about our co-workers(just know that situations where someone’s talking smack someone else we both know always make me VERY nervous. Perhaps it’s because of times as a kid where I’d be the only one who got in trouble for talking about someone, even though many others were joining in on the “fun.”) and there was even one shot at me and a close friend of mine. It was mild and I know about the get them before they get you game, so I let it slide. I ended up being able to rely on the gods of watching-your-mouth again(thank you). I had to take it for what or was. I did. He was repeating the phrase: “I just don’t like people…“ Of course, to convince himself of this. I never understand how people don’t hear themselves SCREAMING. The thing is, it’s very hard being wise, because you have more expected of you-mostly from yourself. Wisdom is something I prayed for for quite some time and frankly, sometimes I wish I could pull my “ignorance is bliss” card and just fire away.

Moving along to weird people scenario two, I have another co-worker with whom I do not get along. You know how in tv shows and in movies there’s this evil(for a lack of a better word) character who lies, steals, cheats, etc. and he/she is so good at pretending that everyone is blinded by his/her charm? And you know how there’s always that ONE character that sees right through the evil character(we’ll call this character the “real” character) and when he/she tries to tell the people who are being fooled by the evil character who he/she really is, no one believes it and that person gets ostracized? Well, just know that I’m the “real” character and this chick is the evil one. Only, I’m not dumb enough to try and warn the others because I know that people see what they want to, and who am I to take that away from anyone?? Anywho, I think we’re both over the initial shock of us not liking each other(I guess on my side, I’m thinking: I’m so cool and open with people, how could she have a problem with me, and on her side it’s: who is she and why is she neither intimidated by me or up my ass because I was on the Drowsy Chaperone National Tour for TWO YEARS! LOL!), which makes things a little more chill but there’s still this awkwardness between us and sometimes it’s funny, while other times it’s just aggravating. I guess if it’s that serious, I could just be “real” and get to the root of the problem, but something tells me it’d be a waste of time because she’d rather crawl on her knees through glass than be honest with me. Blah,blah,blah…
Where I wanted to get with this is, it’s weird how people interact when there is hidden truth and fear. I have to laugh at myself because I know better. We would rather sit together in an awkward silence, three feet from each other than look each other in the eye and be honest about our fears, insecurities, and our honest selves, however imperfect.

And we’re actors.

An actor’s job is to reveal truth about humanity and about our world through imitating life.

We can’t even learn to do our job better from each other(and we both have so much to give) because we aren’t doing what our training and our work has taught us. Which is to GIVE, stay OPEN(to receive) and to never leave your partner hangin’. Wow…

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