A work in progress-Loving is scary

Loving is scary because when you’re loving, you’re open, and when you’re open, you can be caught off-guard and when you get caught off-guard…I don’t know, you might have to be in the moment, or have faith in yourself, or something…
Loving is scary because if you’re doing it and someone’s doing in back to you, it might mean you’re worthy of being loved, and if you’re worthy of being loved, then you might have to start loving yourself, and if you start loving yourself, you might have to go out for that promotion you’ve been secretely earning for five years…or start exercising…or stop smoking.
Loving is scary because it may make you feel good, and if you start feeling good, you might want to make others feel good, and if you want to make others to feel good, you might want to share this love, and if you share this love, you may get rejected by someone who’s frightened by this, and if you get rejected by someone who’s frightened, you might have to decide to lead by example, and if you decide to lead by example, well, you may be standing on your own for a while, and standing on your own is scary too, but that’s another story…

Loving is scary because it might make you take responsibility for your actions, and if you have to do that, than you might have to think before you act, and if you do that, then, you might have to admit that, all along, you knew your father’s baggage-heavy taunts about being selfish and inconsiderate were just: BAGGAGE-HEAVY, GUILT-RIDDEN taunts about his selfishness and If you have to admit that, then you no longer have to harbor anger about what a horrible human being you are, and if you no longer have to do that, then you don’t have to listen to your father say it anymore, and if you don’t have to listen to him say it anymore, then how will you fill those awkward bits of silence between the two of you, and the new silence in your head?

Loving is scary because it’s the first step to our own divinity. Knowing you’re divine is HORRIFYING. It’s horrifying because…

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kaala
    Jul 10, 2010 @ 21:32:33

    Love it! Love you! 🙂

    Reply

  2. Andrew
    Sep 23, 2010 @ 09:10:03

    This is amazing. It flows, it sounds good, but most importantly, it’s true! Damn, “loving is scary because it’s the first step to your own divinity.” is probably going to be the most powerful thing I hear all year. This is a beautiful piece.

    Reply

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